we made out on top of his cat.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
it's like heaven, but drunker
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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