he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
