You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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