I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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