well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
