Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
