Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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