I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
