You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
