Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
