Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
