you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
