we're blogging at a bar
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
