As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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