I faked an abortion last night.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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