My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize