imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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