i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
