Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
