If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You are the jesus of drinking
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize