i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
