can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Randomize
