Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
