Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
