Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
