My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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