im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
