We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
