did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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