The beer is more important than you right now.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
