I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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