it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
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