Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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