You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
