Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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