Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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