I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
