I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
