brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He passed out mid-signature
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
