4 words: hood of his car
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm too high and old for this...
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
