You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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