My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
