There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
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