Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Randomize
