I just made out with a guy for $7.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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