That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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