I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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