I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
