making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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