At least make sure they are 18
Why
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Come see our sink grown plant.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
