Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize