I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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