I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
