Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
