My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
