Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
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