I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
