No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
