We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
My ass is underappreciated
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
