I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
