im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize