Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
