NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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