My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
