also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I think people are normalizing furries
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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