Sorry, I don't speak sober.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
