your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
