shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
