oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
