The maid of honor just puked.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
