i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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